


Guilt

by Finnlay, Nausi



Series: A heavy heart to carry [6]
Category: Marvel (Comics), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Ace!Daken, Asexuality, Forced Outing, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Conditioning, Implied/Referenced Dubious Consent, Implied/Referenced Identity Issues, M/M, Miscommunication, Self-Loathing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-18 08:32:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14849315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finnlay/pseuds/Finnlay, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nausi/pseuds/Nausi
Summary: Drabble #06:It’s Saturday morning and for breakfast Bobby gets a healthy helping of misplaced guilt. Served by none other than Johnny Storm. Healing is a process and while Daken and Bobby are on their way down that road, Johnny still needs to take that first step.





	Guilt

The pill I keep taking  
The nightmare I'm waking  
There's nothing, no nothing, nothing but you  
My perfect rock bottom  
My beautiful trauma  
My love, my love, my drug, oh

****

**Pink** \- Beautiful Trauma

* * *

It was Saturday morning and Johnny wanted to be basically anywhere but here. Preferably he would still be in bed, sleeping and ignoring the world. He would be waking up just before noon, finding himself with his current date in his arms and they’d have a wonderful, lazy brunch. Maybe there would even be slow morning sex and - no. No, he was not home and in bed. He was here at the Mutant High for misplaced misfits and knocking on Bobby Drake’s door. Because guilt was eating him alive and he needed to talk through some shit with the damned Ice-boy.

The knock disturbed the peaceful silence and woke him up from what might have been one of the best nights of sleep that he had gotten in years. Bobby wasn’t sure why someone wanted him and wasn’t simply texting him. All he knew was that Daken was making the cutest sounds, something between a yawn and a grumbly curse. “Shh, you just -” Bobby patted Daken’s chest and smiled at him, “You stay in bed, whatever it is I’ll handle it.” Whatever it was Bobby was going to punch it. Daken looked good in his bed, shirtless, hair a mess, and sleepy. Bobby threw on the first shirt he found and pants from the floor, uncaring if they were his or Daken’s. They were of one height almost and mostly build the same way.

That scent. Johnny Storm. Daken knew that scent all too well and he shifted ever so slightly before burying his face in the soft pillow. Part of him wanted to say hi but the other half was too content with cuddling Bobby’s pillow and continuing to drift in that sweet spot between sleep and awareness. There was nothing like sleeping with Bobby in one bed and letting the other presence comfort and reassure him. It was the first time they had shared a bed but Daken had slept on, and near, Bobby in the oddest of places over the last few months. _Go be a good friend. I suck at that. I’ll just keep hugging your pillow and breathing you in like the creep I am._

“Hey Icicle -” The words trailed off as Johnny stared past Bobby at the curled up figure in bed. Daken. A seemingly undressed Daken. With messy hair and the most content expression Johnny had ever seen on that beautiful face. It made his stomach flip over and turn into a knot inside him. _Fuck._ “Uh, you might be busy but hey, I have a really good reason to be here. Promise! Will you take a walk with me?”

Bobby looked over his shoulder at Daken before he nodded, went back for his phone and sandals, and then came out into the hallway. The door was shut silently behind him as not to disturb Daken further. “Whatever you want man, but he hasn’t slept right in over a week. We can’t wake him up. Lead the way.”

Johnny said nothing to that while they made their way out of the school building and into Central Park. The mild weather of early Autumn greeted them with bright sunlight and a nice cool breeze. Central Park was starting to change colors from a vibrant green to the shades of a sunset, Johnny thought it was quite beautiful and one of the best parts of the X-Men moving locations. “So …” They walked down the path together as Johnny started to talk, “Daken’s been texting me a lot more than usual … about you, you know. You’re his favorite topic at the moment.”

That put a bright smile on Bobby’s face. He stood a little straighter and nodded. “Yeah well, I am an elemental Omega level mutant who has played and beat every Legend of Zelda, and Castlevania, and Metroid game ever so …” He shrugged and looked down at himself as he felt a cool breeze hit him. _Oh shit, I’m wearing Daken’s fancy black scoop neck t-shirt. This is clearly not mine and Johnny saw Daken in my bed … fuck this thing is see through!_

“You look kinda cute in his shirt by the way.” Johnny chuckled and then shook his head, sobering up quicker than he wanted to, “Damn Bobby, I was coming here to keep you two from making a mistake and now you’ve gone and already made it.”

Bobby stopped in his track and turned to face his friend “Excuse me?” The look on his face was not playful, bashful, or embarrassed. Whatever levity had been in him was gone now. “I think you’d better hurry up and explain yourself Flicker.”

Johnny looked around them, double checking that no one was within hearing distance before he said anything else. “Look, Daken -” He licked his lips, “He has a bit of a bad habit when it comes to people he is becoming attached to. I know he’s been getting better and thank heavens for that but … damn Bobby, some things are hard to get over! Habits aren’t like switched you can flip on and off. And now he’s in your bed and you’re wearing his clothes and I’m too late.”

“Too late? What do you think is happening?” It was clear that Bobby was holding in his temper by sheer force of will. 

“You had sex, right? I mean, Daken wasn’t wearing anything and he looked sort of content …”

“Dude, he had shorts on.” Bobby frowned and knit his brows, “What the frozen hell sort of asshole do you think I am Johnny? You think I’d just fall into bed with him?”

They stood there. Surrounded by trees and the chirping of birds, staring at each other. After a long moment of silence Johnny said reluctantly, “I did.”

“Were you in love with him?” 

“No, not like _that_.”

Bobby nodded, “I am. I’m stupid about him, like … if I thought he was the _get married_ sort of person I’d be shopping rings.”

“Whoa, okay, wow – slow down.” Holding his hands up he shook his head, “I mean, yeah I’m happy that you found someone to fall for but man, Daken isn’t … this is going to sound bad but he isn’t really the best pick. Not for, you know, someone like you.”

“What? Are you … just what the frosted fuck are you trying to say Johnny? That he’s not good enough for me? Let me tell you something, love isn’t about deserving, it’s about fitting, it’s about making each other feel less alone, less broken. The world is a nasty place, and that goes double for mutants. Being with Daken makes everything feel a whole lot better, and I’ve seen it in how he looks at me, in the way he smiles, and how easy he is expressing himself; Daken loves me.”

“Maybe he does. Maybe you do. I can’t judge that and I’m not. Sometimes love just doesn’t cut it, Bobby. I thought he was _finally_ figuring himself out, then he starts obsessing over you and all the talk over healing turns into cute texts that tell me how you look unfairly good in that blue button up and how tight jeans should be illegal.”

“He can’t be healing and falling in love? It can’t be both? Did you even stop to consider that maybe Daken and I are stronger together?” Bobby took a step forward, clearly teetering on the verge of losing his temper. “It sounds like you want to accuse me of something. It’s long past time you spit it out.”

“Look, he’s … been through some shit. I don’t know how much he’s opened up to you but I know he hasn’t told you something incredibly important to know before getting into a relationship. This isn’t an accusation or some overprotective need to shelter him.”

“Wow, you are making a lot of assumptions.” Bobby took another step forward. If he wanted to punch Johnny he’d actually have to take a step back now. “Spit it out already, just what are you trying to say?”

“I can’t just – he trusted me with that bit of knowledge and I shouldn’t … man, this went places I didn’t expect.” Johnny groaned and pushed both hands through the messy, almost white blonde hair on his head. That was something he should have expected, that Bobby wouldn’t just easily take his words for what they were and not make the mistake of trying to date Daken.

“You also can’t just come out here telling me I’m bad for him without explaining yourself. What the actual fuck man?”

“Look,” Johnny took a deep breath and then just said it, “Around a week before he started texting me about you, he came by for a visit and told me something I am still having trouble processing but man, he looked fucking sure of it and I doubt he’d ever say it if he didn’t mean it. Bobby he …” Johnny sighed, “He’s an Ace. He’s Asexual.”

“And?” Bobby wasn’t sure he understood what that meant aside from Daken not having a sex drive. It didn’t mean anything to him in the context Johnny was bringing it up. It didn’t have anything to do with him and Daken being good for each other. _Oh … Oh are you -_ Before he finished the thought Bobby felt his face turn red, and his breath hitch in his throat, “You think all I want from him is sex. Or that it’s the main thing I want. Right? Come on Johnny, don’t clam up now. That’s what you think, isn't it?!”

“No!” Johnny looked almost a bit offended now, “I would never think you’d get with someone just to – fuck man, I might be occasionally an asshole but that’s just no. No.” He shook his head, “But did you like listen to what I said? I had sex with him. That’s what Daken does. He sleeps with people because he doesn’t get that there are other ways to express affection.”

“You come here, early in the morning, pull me away from him, and start telling me about how love isn’t enough, and how I don’t know him, and then you expect me to not feel like you’re accusing me of something?” Bobby leaned forward, “Dude, you’ve got no room to be upset or offended. I’m in love with Daken. I love him. Do you know what that means? It means I don’t care about getting laid. It means I just want to be around him. Sex can be a nice bonus but it’s not really the point.”

“I’m telling you that he’ll act like everything is great and right – but it isn’t. It never was. This isn’t about accusing you – if anything I’m accusing him of repeating the same damned patterns constantly!” His voice changed, taking on a bit of a hysterical tone, “I mean, how the fuck was I supposed to figure out he was faking it when he was doing it that well?! I’m not a damn telepath!”

“Daken adores you. I can’t speak for him, but considering how he acts when it comes to people who have screwed him over I don’t think you’re someone who needs to worry about having messed up with him.” Bobby took a deep breath and leaned back, it was difficult to rein his temper in but he was trying, “Look, I’m not you, Daken has come a long way, and you said it yourself, you were never _in love_ with him. I am. I have been for a while. So just … I don’t know … maybe try not to assume we’re going to implode?”

“You think it’s as easy as that?” Johnny chuckled, a bitter sound that seemed completely out of character for him, “He _likes_ me so of course he’s not having a problem after I essentially _**raped**_ him. Yeah, why would that be a fucking problem, it’s just something he is used to anyway! Same old, same old!” There it was. The actual issue. Johnny was worried that Bobby was going to make that mistake and then feel the same as him afterwards. Daken should _**hate** _ him but he didn’t and that was stupid.

“Hey, dude, you need to bring it way down. You’re at an eleven and I need you at a six max.” Bobby reached out and put his hands on Johnny’s shoulders, “Look, I’m not Daken, I can’t say what he thinks for sure, but I can tell you I don’t think my Ex girlfriends raped me. I had a lot of sex I didn’t want to have, _**a lot.**_ I told them I wanted it, I pretended I wanted it. I didn’t want any of it, not the way a person is supposed to want it. I don’t blame them.” Bobby smiled sadly and shook his head, “The way Daken talks about you … man I don’t think he feels you hurt him. You said yourself he made you believe he wanted it. If Daken isn’t telling you it was rape you need to let go man. You don’t get to define his experience by your guilt.”

That made him pause and for a moment he just stared at Bobby. Then he sat down on the nearest bench and put his head in his hands. “That’s what I'm doing isn't it? Making it about me like the self obsessed asshole I am. Fuck man, maybe _I_ need some therapy.”

Bobby sat down next to his friend and put his arm around him. “You are a human, you’re a superhero, you’ve been through some real messed up stuff. Yeah Johnny, you need therapy. You’re not an asshole though. At the heart of what you came here to do … as pissed off as I was about it, you came here to try to prevent pain. You just misunderstood what’s going on.”

“I don't want the two of you to start down some self destructive road. I thought this was a good idea. It wasn't. And now I've outed him to you.”

“It doesn’t change how I feel about him. You were trying to protect the both of us from hurting each other. We can talk to Daken together and explain things if you want.” Bobby rubbed Johnny’s shoulder, “The three of us are friends, and we’ll figure this out. Okay?”

“Okay …” Johnny nodded slowly and took a deep breath, trying to let go of some of the stress and guilt that had been eating away at him. “And hey, we should grab breakfast from Daken's favorite place. So he won't be as grumpy.”

“You may also have to help me cuddle him.” Bobby stood up and held out a hand to help Johnny back to his feet, “Come on, let’s get this morning started right.”


End file.
